I am a wandering spirit tangled in the shit of this transient thing called human existence.
I'm the product of the things that have happened to me and the decisions I refused to make. I am nothing different than other people, I am pretty normal-- well, I thought I was unique back then but people started claiming they were unique too, so, hello reality.
Pausiu
Jio
Denielle James
Crisa
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
November 2008
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
EXITSYARCHIVES;
The birth of sadness emerges from this heart,
As the ending of your wonderful reign concludes.
A tear escapes my overflowing eyes, rolling down,
Followed by another, another, another. It overflows.
Won’t you leave me with an ounce of hope, please?
Tell me that someday, you will return to your stage.
Rule my heart with your music once again. (Don’t let it end.)
What will it take for you to stay here, in this scene?
This emotion, it fills me from within, to the fullest.
Won’t you stay back? Come back? Listen to my selfishness.
I stand on the fine line between love and hate, don’t you see?
This world needs you, your passion, your love. Everything.
Come back and redeem our hearts. Make us believe in style.
This poem is dedicated to a jrock band called bis (believe in style) who have recently announced that they will disband as of 13th of January, 2008. Personally, this makes me really sad as I am a fan. I only got into their music this year but they really touched my heart.
Here is a link to a video of one of their songs - the first one which I ever heard from them. It’s called SEASON’S.
No matter what happens, I will always hope that they will someday reunite and create beautiful music together once again.
- always believe in style-
I feel so empty without you by my side.
Every night it makes me want to cry.
So while the stars shine bright amongst the moonlight,
My dreams are filled with thoughts of me and you.
You were the one who gave me wings,
You taught me how to fly oh so very high.
You were my star that I followed everywhere,
Guiding me when I was lost, up in the diamond sky.
How can I let you know that you became my world?
You became the very essence and everything to me.
I had locked myself away for oh so very long,
Yet you still managed to set this imprisoned heart free.
Now that you are gone, I don’t know what else to do.
It kills me more with every passing moment,
To dream about this world without seeing you,
Is the worst torture you could ever bring upon me.
You can see the tears I cry
As I can feel myself being torn apart
I dont want to lose you
I cant help my heart
You can see me fall apart
But maybe its better that way
Though I dont want you to see these tears
Its all my fault anyway
I can’t just let go like that
I still love you in my heart
In my mind and soul
Would it better if you told me not to let go?
I’m so confused
I dont know what to do
I wish this never was an issue
I dont wanna lose you
At times like this
All I can do is write
Put down it in words
Though it cant say everything
You are perfect to me
In every single way.
I don’t see your flaws
Because I’m blinded by love.
I don’t know what to do,
All this is saying to me
Is that I’m losing you.
That’s the last thing I want.
Words can’t justify
The emotions I hold
I love you so much it hurts,
But if its you, its ok
Kepler, i wanna thank you for all the memories you gave to me^__^..you're the best!!
Time can pass by in a blink of the eye,
With each moment fleeting into the past.
Though each second cannot ever be regained,
Everything becomes a part of our memory,
Filling up our hearts to their fullest capacity.
The year which has flown by without halt
Feeling as if it only started yesterday.
Our perception utterly mislead in every way;
We are cleverly deceived by our own minds.
“I could have sworn that only happened yesterday.”
Time has passed us by in a blink of the eye.
Every moment shared, now a memory
Which we will keep within our hearts.
Although we may say “Goodbye,” for now,
We expect to see you again, in a blink of the eye.
For what its worth, I’m here to apologize.
I wanted to take the easy way out of this situation,
Or perhaps find a song that would just say it all,
But in the end you need to hear it from me,
Because its me who has to say, “I’m sorry for what I said.”
There’s still so much you don’t know about me.
You still probably don’t understand how I operate.
I’m not the one who likes to live through life with regret,
With that said, I look back and I know I was rash,
I acted impulsively in the mood that I was in that day.
But, for what its worth, I’m here to apologize,
To say that five letter word from my heart to yours.
I wish I could write you a decent song to speak my mind,
For there hasn’t been anything written to describe this,
To describe what it was, what was said or how I felt.
Forgiveness is not there to seek, your words did anger me,
And though I say sorry to you in this indirect way,
I don’t know if I could handle the closeness we once had.
I’m sure you can figure out the reason why within yourself,
So no need to ask and question what or why.
I do not seek a reply, I don’t even seek repaired friendship.
I just wanted to let you know that I do not hold onto anger.
Even if you do, that’s still ok, for I’ve said what was needed,
Helping me clear my own mind and jaded heart tonight.
I don’t expect a reply, but this is my apology to you.
PS. Tnx for the support earlier^__^..I owe you many things:((
I could never describe the love I had for you - not now nor in the past. Many people describe love as if it were something so easy to talk about, but I find it to be quite the opposite. Some say that love cannot exist without the presence of certain circumstances, but depending on what those are, I’d beg to differ. The love which I held for you deep in my heart was not based on physical attraction, but the connection I felt that I had with you and your wonderful personality. Neither of us were perfect - we were both quite far from that in different aspects but we came to accept each other as we were, and that’s why I was willing to give you my undying devotion if you were willing to accept it.
However, things did not turn out the way we wished them to and our relationship was put to an abrupt end for reasons which I still haven’t been able to explain fully for you. There were so many factors which lead to that path, but even though we cannot change the past, I cannot forget the pain and agony I felt that night. Sometimes I feel as if I’ve just wiped away the tears and try to nurse my bleeding heart, though the dagger was driven through it by my own hand. I still wish you would tell me how you felt at that time - you always tried your best to be so strong, but it was really your vulnerable side which I wanted to see the most.
You keep jumping in and out of my life and I don’t know what I should make of it. Part of me advises to move on while the other half is still clinging onto the past, hoping that you still feel the love for me now as I unknowingly held onto my feelings for you. I’m torn between which path to follow, yet I cannot bring myself to tell you that I still hold you dear in my heart in that way. Its fine if you think I love you dearly as a friend, but I dont know what would happen if I were to bring these feelings up once again suddenly. I don’t want you to disappear from my life. Quite the contrary, I want to do anything I can to keep you in it, whether it be mere messages, phone calls or perhaps a visit. Something inside of me doesn’t want you to forget me, or what we had because you gave me something so precious that I now treasure it with my life. If you were to forget such a thing, I don’t know if I am able to cope with that pain.
Is it sad that I’m still finding it so hard to let go? Its been almost two years now, yet I still remember everything as if it only occured yesterday. A bittersweet memory, reminding me of what I once had and no longer do.
Perhaps, one day, I will be able to ask you face to face on your true feelings of our situation. However, for now, they shall remain unspoken.
PS. Sorry for the mispelled words, i'm typing this as fast as
i could. the laptop's internet connection is going crazy!!:((..And so sorry for the random picXD
I want to escape this reality and enter a world of pure fantasy and bliss so that I may forget all my troubles and my worries. I want to be filled with ecstasy and euphoria, living life with the ultimate happiness and soar through the skies with my wings which will lift me up high.
This desire, it is a wishful dream that fills me up and takes me away when I daydream, forgetting my responsibilities and everything intertwined with this life. I want to let my soul fly free - I want to recover that feeling I have lost. I want to feel like me once more.
My hopes and aspirations for the future only continue to wither and deteiorate as I reflect upon my present life and how unfruitful it has been. I am like a cherry blossom tree after the spring, that has been nurtured by nature only to remain in an unsightly state throughout the whole of the year. When the time comes when I am supposed to bloom in beauty, I have nothing to clothe my naked existance and I appear nothing more than a pitiful state.
There as so many things that I wish for but everything seems to be out of my grasp. This is the harsh reality in which I exist within day to day, from dawn till dusk. There is no means of persuing, only desire and the hollow feeling of emptiness at the end of the day when nothing has been achieved. I want things to change, but I don’t want to lost myself even further into the dark cloud of confusion and misery.
Complete helplessness is what I feel. I’m on the verge of letting everything disappear and to fall into that trap, all because I’m exhausted from pretending everything is perfectly fine when inside, I know that everything rages within me like a war. The mind verses the heart, the spirit fighting the soul. Each element, fighting for dominance, insisting their way is right only drives me into deeper confusion on what path I should take - I will never know one is the correct way to walk.
When life feels like a burden,
And when love shatters before you,
Is it ok to for me to cry?
Shedding these tears of pain.
I cry for you my dear.
When the heart aches from love,
And when you feel hollow inside,
Is it ok for me to cry?
Shedding tears of your pain.
Let me share your sorrows.
When all of this is over,
And we can look back and laugh,
Let’s laugh together alright?
Because friends share everything,
From pain to happiness.
This is what friendship is all abou
I dont really know if I should really feel happy or sad, coz in just 3 days, I will move on another year. So that means that me and my friends, especially RIZZA AND ERIKA AND GLESSIE AND BRYLLINE will have to go to separate paths. I am very thankful that I am friends with this people, without them my I wouldnt be what I am now. These people molded me to what I am now. They were the ones who sat, looked at me an the ones who make me laugh everytime Im feeling down. I'm really going to miss them. So that's why we will meet on aPril 20 this year to have fun..so yeah, i may say that, "union is bliss, parting is woe, agony isboundless for a lovelron soul".Now I know who my real friends are. And because of that, I am going to treat them as my BEST FRIENDS^__^. I really wanna thank you guys!!you're the best!!
t.
If we could start all over again my love,
Would you be willing to take that chance?
If we could rewrite our history,
Would this have turned out differently?
I know everything happens for a reason,
But for what reason did you take back your heart?
We planned to go through this together, didn’t we?
We said that’d we’d play this out to the very end.
But now, our promised words are broken,
As you I watch you walk away from me slowly.
There was one question I had left unspoken,
But I cannot say it now. No no, the pain is too much.
A teardrop falls my eye, like a glistening diamond, Into my hand onto the jewel I wanted to present to you. One that I want to place on your beautiful fingers,
Followed by the one question left unspoken.
Ps.I love the necklace
^__^
Supressed tears and unexpressed emotion.
Things you wish you could say and express,
Nothing but empty words formed within your mind.
It seems hopeless to voice feelings out loud.
Opinions rejected, kicked into a trash can.
Love non-existant in this silent domain.
Supressed tears and unexpressed emotion.
Everything remains locked up inside this heart,
Enclosed in the darkness where its existance is bleak.
Look at the new generation,
Teenagers who claim to be ‘emo’.
Expressing all emotions and self mutilation,
That’s the name of the game.
Society calls them insane.
Or how about those who love video games?
Graphics created, pixel by pixel,
Combined with a game play.
A new world, created behind a screen.
Players labelled insane for a hobby,
For it does not coincide with reality.
The love for childish things
As the word insanity comes to mind,
So does the past, present and possible future.
Tell me, what do you define as insane?
For everything in this world seems to be
Insane, in one form or another.
Such as cartoons, dolls and toys.
If you like them after the age of 14, you’re insane.
Don’t ask why, its what society says,
And apparently what society says,
Is what goes in this world of decadence.
As an individual, I proudly admit this:
I am insane. Mentally, physically and spiritually.
Sanity is deranged, twisted and corrupted,
At least through my eyes anyway.
The future ahead mixed into grey,
Our world no longer black and white.
So tell me, are you insane too?
You sit alone, hidden away in your lair,
Surrounded by angels, protecting you with care.
Your fair maiden’s heart, tucked away,
Not even allowing you to have your say.
Castles and palaces, they aren’t so great.
However, a princess cannot escape this fate.
Bound by blood and a promise you didn’t make,
You are introduced to your intended mate.
Handsome princes and a happily ever after,
A life filled with pure joy and wholesome laughter.
The secret wish that you lived a fairytale,
Wanting to escape, wishing to pay the bail.
They say you will grow to love one another,
Eventually appreciating each other as lovers,
But tucked away in your hearts, it feels incomplete.
Oh, how you wish to awaken from this deep sleep.
You sit together, hidden away in your lair,
Surrounded by angels, protecting you with care.
Your stomach swollen to the point of despair,
Wondering if subjecting your child to the same fate is fair.
The past is something that you cannot change.
It is our curse for living with our hearts.
It’s what helps us define ourselves
No matter how painful the experience may be.
The pain you caused me was 1000:1
With daggers continously piercing this heart
Enduring the hardships, hoping for a happy ending.
Now I’m not that naive, that I would wait for you.
I wish everyday to be free from your presence.
The memory of you has me trapped inside a cage.
No matter how much I wish to be free,
You laugh and add another lock to my prison.
I would scream that I hate you so,
Hoping that you would finally distance yourself from me,
But that is not what my selfish heart desires,
It is one that is stubborn and still naive.
I was once free from this guilded jail
But you have caught and imprisoned me again
So I wait again for another saviour
Hoping that they will free me from you
Permanently.
Her heart lies dormant inside a cage,
Locked away without a key.
The many failed attempts left her exhausted,
With no hope left inside her body.
Sadness is all that remains.
Looking up at the diamond sky,
The stars seem so far away.
She reaches out, trying to catch one,
But soon realizes the impossible.
She sits heartbroken beneath the dim white light once more.
A song replays in her head repeatedly.
She closes her eyes and hums quietly,
Feeling emotion seep from the written words.
The lyrics sparked something within her,
Paving a new path for a new beginning.
this is another pic from another view..
My world, unveiling itself like a rose, petal by petal, layer by layer, exposing my inner self more to the world each day and also being able to shut myself in a protective sheild when needed. I gather inspiration from what lies around me. People, nature, art and music, only a few components of which sparks my creativity. I am not limited in any way - my mind is as open as an open fence.
Often I feel underestimated - my mind is more complex than you think. With each glance captures an image, which is thrown around into my thoughts creating a new scenario which only exists within my imagination. The unlimited wonders which the world can bring are mysterious on its own, even more so when you throw in the possibilities.
Although I feel as if my energy is running low, I can still see those things around me, but not those directly aimed at me. I am blinded by my own sight, unknowingly treading on waters which I should refrain from disrupting. I know where the dangers are but I still continue to proceed, hoping I can change the course of the wind.
The path which I am currently walking seems pointless if I keep my eyes on the ground. However, when I look beyond the few steps in front of me, there are so many directions that this road strays off to. My dreams and hopes, all taking me to a different place at a time.
My future, still unknown to me, is the one thing I fear the most. If I don’t end up at the destination of my choice, the way it will affect me and those around me sends a shiver down my spine. From where I stand at this moment, it seems so far away, yet in reality I know it’s close enough to grab and pull towards me.
Right now, I feel as though I’m in a standstill. The past is behind me but I have seemed to stop walking. My progression as a mortal soul, seems to have come to a stop. Perhaps I have taken far too large a leap earlier this year, and now I must take everything in. To me, it is still unknown, and although it is a peaceful time for myself, I miss being able to walk.
But alas, I will stay true to myself and act upon my will. I refuse to follow the crowds and conform into a mindless mannequin of media, I will remain as I am - true to myself and the soul that resides inside me.
oh yes, another worthless poem for today.^__^
As I sat there, just fantasizing, about what its like to be with HIM. But I knew that would never happen.
