I am a wandering spirit tangled in the shit of this transient thing called human existence.
I'm the product of the things that have happened to me and the decisions I refused to make. I am nothing different than other people, I am pretty normal-- well, I thought I was unique back then but people started claiming they were unique too, so, hello reality.
Pausiu
Jio
Denielle James
Crisa
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
November 2008
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
EXITSYARCHIVES;
Feeling hopelessly empty for reasons unexplained. I wish I could fill the hollow depths of my heart and never look down – I want to stay as I am, and rely on no one other than myself.
I selfishly wish for independence, though I know that we cannot live alone and fear a life of solitude. But if I should walk on my own, if it’s only for the time being, I can bear this feeling. However, there are times that I long to know and feel that I am special – to know that someone out there loves me, just as I am. I want that emotional security. I just want to know that I am loved.
I am blessed with the beautiful wonders of my family and friends, but what I seek is something a little different. One day, I shall find it and embrace the feeling with my entire being. I won’t lie and say that I will face it without fear, because more than anything, it is the wonders that the future may bring me is what scares me a little, so I will use my courage to keep walking towards the unknown for a new beginning.
Although I may feel empty, hopeless and alone right now, I’ll remember in my heart and my mind that there is a future ahead of me that’s waiting.
“I wrote you everyday for a year.”
I sighed inwardly, the waterworks ready to start. And then it happened.
BAM!
The two were kissing--making out in the pouring rain.
The tears began, pouring down harder the more and more Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams kissed. It was so heart wrenchingly romantic that I almost wanted to puke up the chicken and egg rolls I had for the afternoon
Why couldn’t my life be like a romantic movie?
My knight and shining armor would be much like Ryan Gosling’s character, the poor boy that had nothing but the sweet memories of a summer he shared with a privileged, beautiful girl that was on a whole higher class than him. And to wait, for those years, those many years, for her to come back to him. Writing to her for a whole year, repeatedly sending letter after letter, waiting for the slightest of responses, only to be so blatantly rejected but the hundreds and hundreds of letters she had never sent him.
And then, one bright, sunny afternoon. She arrives on his property, looking older and more beautiful than she did back when they were children, smiling at him.
To him, he must’ve thought, she’s back.
It’s not over.
And the tears that I had been crying earlier, that had dried up for some time, began spilling over the brims of my eyes, the tears flowing down even more fluently than before. Something told me that I was no longer crying for Ryan Gosling’s pain and agony, but rather my own.
And what kind of pain or agony was that?
I was free. I was lifted. The weight was gone and I could do anything that I wanted. My life had finally begun for myself. Everything was great.
So why did I feel worse without his presence?
Actually I really wanted to hold you
There is a time for every thing; a time when love blossoms, a time when love dies. And a time when two people turn their backs on each other, not hearing the other’s silent cries.
ansaya ngayon.HAHA kanina nagyaya ako sa bahay namin, lima lang ang gustong sumama.Tapos nung uwian na, paalis na kame. Naging 12 kame. haha dpaat nga iiwan na namin sila klaire saka francis e. Surii klurr. tpos ayun nung nasa lrt na kame, humabol sila at hindi lang yun, kasama si jake:)). Edi ayon, namumrublema ako kase andami namen, kala ko mapapagalitan ako ni mommy. Nasa jeep na kame nun, pro mascians lang haha parang field trip namin. Pagdating sa bahay, nanood nood na lang kame ng drag me to hell.
As I close my eyes, my heart aches as you come to mind. My questions that you have seemingly answered still leave me uncertain for within my mind, a whispering voice tells me that it could certainly be another whom you have made the pledge to. I can’t let myself get carried away with these feelings, therefore I shall persistently remind myself of those whispers for it seems impossible to turn back now.
If only you knew how my heart cries because of you. This thing that they call love is so wondrous and bittersweet, and I want to share this feeling with you. Perhaps I’m asking for too much – won’t you let me know?
With these feelings, life has become so much more complicated yet I wouldn’t trade it for the moon or stars. You’ve taught me once again that this feeling should be unconditional and break through all barriers. But what I lack right now is courage – the courage to admit this emotion to those who surround me. How long will you embrace my secrets? Should this really remain as a secret?
Each day, I live on with this feelings in silence. Do you understand these emotions living within my soul? I wish I could be beside you, instead of just being beneath the same starry sky.
I wish I could tell you what you have become to me, then perhaps I could hear an answer as well.